Maybe this post should have been titled, “My babies stories” because I have 5 children with me on this earth and 2 in heaven. But, for now I wanted to share with you a part of my life that is heavy on my mind. I’d like to share my baby story.
FIRSTBORN
Our first child arrived in 2002 with some bumps along the road with bedrest, lots of scary post natal events*. He was here nonetheless as a 9 lb. 2 oz. baby boy – we were (are) the proudest parents!
*summary: I endured hyperemesis for 9 weeks (violent vomiting), bedrest in 2nd trimester, unexpected birthing problems, baby in bili-lights from jaundice for 3 days, tongue-tied horrible nursing experience for 9 weeks.
BABY GIRL
Next, our little girl came in 2004 via home birth at a whopping 10 lbs. 10 oz. For those of you considering home birth, I give it my 100% vote!!!! All was well, and we were so excited to have a boy and a girl!
*summary: I contract pneumonia at 20 weeks which leads to a staph blood infection and being life-flighted to emergency prenatal hospital in intensive care for 11 days. I was a breath away from losing my life…they thought I was gone.
2ND GIRL
Then, our next pregnancy has an interruption around 11-12 weeks with bleeding. The scary, “am I miscarrying?!!” questions, and the wait-and-see approach. AAAGGGH!!
Nothing was ever found out about why I had bleeding. I just kept praying and hoping for a healthy baby. Even though the episode only lasted a little over a day, and the bleeding and cramping stopped allowing the pregnancy to continue as normal.
By 2006, we had a very sweet 6 lbs. 12 oz. baby girl. Although during this pregnancy I drastically improved my diet, she had severe reactions from the start to a specific food. It took me the better part of 5 months to be on an elimination diet to rule out which food was the offender. When she was only 2 weeks old she would be vomiting after every nursing. At one point she had a clump of mucus lodging in her nasal passage and she is suffocating – turning blue and her arms stretch out straight to the side.
The emergency squad came, but I had been able to dislodge the mass back down her throat to allow her to breath by blowing forcefully in her nose minutes before they arrived. I tell you that children should be born with a detailed list of how to care for them!!
*summary: I am seeing the trend that having babies is not all fun and games. 🙂
3RD GIRL
The fourth pregnancy had the same problem occur about the same time gestation with bleeding and cramping, leaving me wonder, “what in the world is causing this?” No one had any answers. Nothing shows up because it clears before anything is found out. So in the same fashion, by 2008 we had received our little girl weighing 7 lbs. 2 oz. in 2008.
*summary: blessed pregnancy and birth for the most part. I will say my births are full of all sorts of fun that most don’t get the pleasure of living through. God must consider me a rare sort.
ANOTHER BOY
Jump ahead two years in my baby story and into the next pregnancy. The same 11-12 week pattern happened, except I noticed that in each successive pregnancy the bleeding was worse. I had learned to hold my breath until after the first trimester, at this point, and just prayed that all would go well. Happily, we ended this pregnancy with a bouncing baby boy in 2010, weighing 9 lbs. 10 oz.
*summary: again, very nice pregnancy and birth.
All my babies, except my firstborn were born at home – what a complete blessing and I cherish the fact that I was able to welcome our little ones in that fashion.
Enter in 2011, early summer. I found that I was expecting again and felt that I would indeed go through the same 11-12 bleeding episode and anxiously awaited that time. I did have the same bleeding, but this time was different. This time the bleeding did not stop. After a week or so of waiting to see, I went for an ultrasound expecting the doctor to tell me that I had lost the baby.
SCARY TIMES
However, there was a very active little one in there, but also something else. He diagnosed me with a subchorionic hematoma – basically a bleeding in between the lining of my uterus and the embryonic sac. He informed me that it could be reabsorbed and go away (which is what I assumed had happened in my other pregnancies), or it could stay there until birth and just bleed out on delivery, or it could cause an early delivery. The hematomas typically occur when baby implants itself to the lining of the uterus. There is always a small amount of bleeding for every new mom, but sometimes that bleeding does not stop causing the pool of blood such as in my case.
UNKNOWN
I hadn’t realized it much before, but my earlier pregnancies always carried a slight pain in my lower side of my uterus. This time it was true again. Except now I knew that pain was where the bleeding was taking place. I am told bedrest was more for my mental state and really won’t help, but to not lift anything heavier that a gallon of milk. At that point, I put myself on a modified bed rest and began a new life for me and my family.
My children learned even more how to cook. We homeschooled from the couch I lived on, and our life was pretty dreary with the cloud that now hung over us. I began to feel baby kick around 16 weeks, went in for another ultrasound around 19 weeks to find the bleeding was still there. The doctor’s face showed me all I needed to know – it did not look good.
FEAR
They told me baby would come out and not be able to breathe. Basically, my baby would basically suffocate before my eyes. I wanted to scream for help and beg them to stop the labor, but it was all hopeless. I beg God for mercy, that He takes my baby to be with Him before it came out so I won’t be put through the torture of watching it suffocate.
He answered my prayer. Our little girl, Gabriella Rose, died just before she was born in 2011, perfectly formed. I tell you that it was the most horrible day of my life. No parent should ever have to watch their child die. Only God knows why these things happen, and I trust she is with him now living a life so far greater than the one she would have here on earth.
It is beyond my belief how there are people who can say that a baby at this age is not a baby. I have no words for them, just my story and my soul are in that BABY – my daughter. Very much alive and in full form.
We buried Gabriella with heavy hearts, but know she is taken care of far exceeding anything we could even dream of.
MORE SADDNESS
At this point, I am perfectly fine not having any more babies because I can’t take the heartache. A dozen children would make me happy, but I didn’t want to keep losing my children. I asked God to close my womb, pause my baby story, if the babies were just going to keep dying. He did.
Up until that point, I had no problem getting pregnant within one menstrual cycle after each of my children weaned. It has been over 3 years since I became pregnant. In that time, I’ve been able to take a break from being pregnant or nursing for over 10 years and sort of find myself again.
RENEW
My business has been born during that time, which has allowed my family and I some freedom from burdens. We’ve been able to tackle some projects that couldn’t have easily completed while having arms full of babies. Though I’d take them in a heart beat. We’ve went through healing nutritionally by going on the GAPS diet, where my 3rd born has been healed of her severe gluten intolerance she’d had since birth.
Now for the good news and another chapter in my baby story. God did see fit that when my heart was ready to allow me to get pregnant again. We weren’t trying, but I did tell Him I was ready if He saw fit. I share more on this story in this post HERE.
We need ore research is to find out why this is a growing problem with modern-day pregnancies. I fully believe it is related to the altered food we eat, the hormone, the lacing of pesticides…you name it. Our gut is key to it all – our second brain. I have left out a ton of information I have learned because there is too much to share. However, if you have questions, I’d love to answer them. Or if you want to share your baby story. Just email!
A JOURNEY
My journey as a mother is not over. I will continue to learn and take life as it comes, relishing the thought of knowing I will get to embrace my lost babies when I enter heaven. God is good.
I hope you have felt encouraged by my baby story and are choosing to not give up hope. We all need His grace. To get these DIY tips & tricks in your inbox, be sure to sign up for my newsletter. PLUS, you will get your FREE Furniture Buying Checklist and special discount to my shop. Until next time!
Also, I share more than my baby story…more inspiration for you:
sorry to hear of your sad journey and, yet, congrats on the baby news!
Congratulations, Larissa! What wonderful news! I will pray for a healthy delivery.
I’m so sorry for your losses. Although our paths have been different, I’ve also experienced difficult pregnancies, deliveries, and (6) miscarriages. But God is so merciful, as I am sure you can attest, and has used those particular trials in my life for good to others, and to our family, and especially to His glory. I am thankful for the ways He has changed me through them, most especially for the gratitude it has given me for the miracle of life and a healthy baby.
I hope you will be at peace throughout your pregnancy, trusting Him with the faith He has given you.
I’m so excited for you!
You are so Blessed with a wonderful growing family. Having faith and accepting God’s plan can be challenging on our hearts, but the blessings are many. I hope you continue to have a good healthy pregnancy and that you will keep us informed of all the good news. Take good care of yourself.
So sorry to hear your journey Larissa, it is a similar one to my Mom, who had 7 live births. Wishing you a healthy pregnancy and delivery.
Many blessings to you and yours! Your story is truly inspiring and uplifting. I am sorry for your losts in thr past but very glad to hear of the blessings afterward. Your story has uplifted me because as we speak I am experiencing bleeding but I haven’t gone to the doctor yet to see if it’s related to the sub hemorrhage that they spotted 4 weeks ago. My appt is in the morning. I am praying for mercy and favor as well…just likeHe did for you and your 3 older children.
Thank you so much, Felicia. Do know that you are not the first to contact me with similar issues, and this is why I shared. You and your family are on my prayer list with your name on my desk. Do keep me updated, if you don’t mind, as I know God will bless you. email: larissaatprodigalpiecesdotcom 🙂
Larissa,
Thank you so much for sharing your story. Last night I went to the ER after having bleeding and cramping and, while everything with baby looked fine, they did find a sub-chorionic hematoma. They were able to discharge me, but I have yet to talk with my OB about it and have been resting in bed today pretty worried. Your story gives me hope and comfort that everything will turn out okay no matter the outcome and that I just need to trust in God and have faith.
Sarah, my heart goes out to you and do know you are covered in prayer. If you ever feel the need to just vent or chat, please feel free to email me at larissa at prodigal pieces dot com.
Larissa you are so strong and have come through all your trials and tribulations with grace and strength. Your faith in God has guided you through a mothers worst fears and hurt like no one can imagine unless they have experienced that kind of loss. We grieve for those losses and it is always heavy on our hearts. It has been thirty years since I lost my twins and every day I think of them and wonder what they would be like today, who they would look like, sometimes I cry a little, and what really angers and hurts me is when I hear someone talking about their same kind of loss and a friend of theirs or family member tell them it has been long enough and you should be over it by now. My sister in law lost her twins and that is what some family members told her. It is so hard for me to understand how people can be so ignorant that they think a mother can get over the loss of her baby, that baby was alive inside her it moved and kicked, she saw it in the ultra sounds it was a part of her. God has been with me through all my losses and without him I don’t think I would have made it.
Thank you for your post today. My prayers are with you for a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby, I just know that God is with you and your baby and will bless you both.
Oh, Patty. I’m so sorry for your loss. Seems as though we all will have a great reunion one day! I truly can’t wait. Thank you for your love. 🙂
I am so sorry Larissa. Your babies are most definitely in the arms of our Lord and Saviour. God Bless you and your family.
Thank you so much, Lynda. Hugs!
thank you for this post. This is the first I’ve ever heard of that happening. Right now I am spotting on and off and it is nice to have a little hope that I’m pregnant with number 7.
You are welcome, Andrea. Hugs to you on your journey and congrats! Feel free to email me if you need an ear. 😉 You are added to my prayer list.
Larissa,
I had a sub chronic hemmorage to with my 2nd pregnancy. I actually had 2 of them, one of them passed as I bled and the other was still with me when I had my c section due to the hemmorage. I was told at 14 weeks that I needed to abort the pregnancy as I could put my life in danger. I knew God was with me and my unborn child and that is not something I believed in. Thank god, she is almost 7 years old. She has had a lot of health issues ever since she was born from consipation, food intolerances, kidney issues and post infectious encephalitis. I firmly believe that her health issues are in some way connected to the hemmorage. Except for the encephalitis infection she had.
I thank god everyday for the blessing he has given me and I am truly sorry for your loss but am happy for your other little blessings you have in your life. No matter if they are here or with him, they will always be loved and cherished in our hearts.
Wow, what a testimony to a mother’s love, Randi. So glad you didn’t give up and are still praising Him in all things. Thank you for sharing your story with me. 🙂
Hi Larissa,
Thank you for sharing your story. I just lost my baby at 21 weeks due to a sub chorionic hemmorage and reading your story made me feel like I wasn’t alone. I started bleeding at 9 weeks. I was bleeding really heavily on and off until 20 weeks. I was losing so much blood and thought for sure that it was fine but every time I went for an ultrasound the bleed was either the same size or bigger. The day I turned 20 weeks I started hemorrhaging filling up at least 1 pad an hour. I went to the hospital and they kept me there for a few days to see if the bleeding would stop but it didn’t. They told me that I was in real danger of bleeding out or my placenta exploding due to the pressure the blood was putting on it all this time. I also needed four blood transfusions and my blood levels were really low. They recommended I terminate the pregnancy as they didn’t think it would last either way and they were afraid I was in real danger. I couldn’t bring myself to terminate because like you said my baby boy had a heart beat and he was alive ! It felt like I would be killing him and I loved him so much I didn’t want to let him go. The day before I turned 21 weeks I went into labor and although it may have taken a couple of days or maybe even a week till the labor would progress on its own and I would deliver they helped the labor along so that they can watch me very carefully and make sure they had the bleeding under control. I still feel so guilty like maybe there is something I could have done to prevent bleeding so much or maybe I should have waited to see if the labor stopped on it’s own…
Oh my heart is aching for you and your family. My condolences to you. There is many times still I have grief over things I should have or could have done differently…God doesn’t want me to do that, but I can’t help feeling there was more I could have done. I so understand where you are. I’m assuming you’re a mama to others and they need you too, so you did the best thing given the circumstances. Even with my rainbow baby, we had issues and ended up in NICU for weeks. I, too, think that could have been avoided. I feel I will never learn how to let go as those moments play over and over again. God’s grace keeps me plugging away. Feel free to email me to reach out. I’m here…
Hi..I’m so sorry you went thru all that but I’m happy you have had such happiness in your life too. I am currently 24 weeks and am too seeing midwives for my first homebirth but also an OB because of one bleed at 13 weeks. I too felt it before it happened. The clot finally halved at my last ultrasound. I don’t do social media but would love if you emailed me with any pertinent info. You may have. This is my fourth child…all natural hospital births before and now still hoping for a home birth…look forward to hearing from you.
Thank you. Yes, so much to go through, but I felt all for a reason. Feel free to email me at [email protected] I hope I can help in some way. 🙂
Hi Larissa,
So sorry for your loss and thank you for sharing your story. I am 17 weeks with my current rainbow baby (first baby)! I have had on and off bleeding since 6 weeks and was finally diagnosed with a SCH around 14 weeks. My doctors seems quite optimistic and are monitoring me, but it hasn’t changed in size really. Do you know how large your hematoma was? I am praying everyday our little rainbow hangs in there. <3
Meredith
Congratulations, Meredith! From what you are telling me it sounds like you are on doing awesome. I don’t remember the size off the top of my head, but bigger than my little girl. I am praying for you now and want you to know God has you and your baby in the palm of His hand. I just celebrated with another mother who contacted me a few months ago with the same concern as you and her baby girl is healthy! 😀 Would you please keep in touch with me via email? I’d love to hear updates and know how to pray: larissa at prodigal pieces dot com.
Larissa,
Thank you for sharing. I am 9 weeks and was surprised to be bleeding yesterday. Embarassingly, it was at work and went onto my work dress before I even knew it. It was pain free and cramp free but went right to the doctor – where the ultrasounds said I have a SCH. It is so scary now – we were waiting to tell our families until we knew things were good, but this is just so hard. I have been searching the internet all day and just came across this and so grateful to have read your story. I am interested in learning more about what you think is in our food that is causing this! For now, I’m taking it easy and praying for the hematoma to resolve itself.
Sending you hugs, Pamela. Yes, do rest easy because in most cases they are absorbed and cause no issues at all. Just try not to stress (so not easy, but so important too). Please email me so I can chat with you at larissa at prodigalpieces.com
Larissa,
Thank you for sharing. I’m currently pregnant with my 4th baby. At 6weeks I went to the ER because of bleeding and pain on my right side of lower abdomen. I discovered I have a small SCH. Currently, I’m 8weeks 3days and experiencing pain again no bleeding. I’m so scare but my faith maintains my hope. My baby wasn’t plan, I did have many health problems for months, but at soon that I found out I was pregnant all my health problems cleared out. I believe in miracles and my health issues disappeared and new life is forming. I pray to God for this truly love baby.
I’m sorry for losses but I’m so happy for your BEAUTIFUL family. God bless you and your family.
Congratulations, Mariela, on the new little one. After reading your story, I am hopeful you will have a healthy outcome. All mothers have various forms of a bleed, some just don’t know it and it is absorbed. I am praying for you, your family, and your baby. I’d love to connect via email if you would like: larissa at prodigal pieces dot com. God’s got you and your baby in the palm of His hand. {{hugs}}
I cried so much when I read your story. I read it while I was still pregnant and had a a big hematoma. I was shocked when I read the name of your baby girl, it was the same name and middle name of my baby girl. I lost her at 21 weeks because the bleeding caused placenta abruption. When I read your story I wanted to be optimistic but I felt it was a sign of what was to come. I guess it was. Sharing similar stories helps healing. Thank you So much for sharing yours.
I’m so sorry to read of your trials, Sandra. I pray you finding healing and peace. 🙂
Hello I am in absolute tears as I read this story I developed a SCH around 6 and a 1/2 weeks and was told last Thursday at 10 weeks that it is healed and gone. today was my 1st day where I returned to work after a month of bed rest and I hurt so bad. how long does it take for you to feel like yourself again? How likely is it to get another SCH during the same pregnancy? Please help. Thank you!
Congratulations on the good news, Andrea!! That is so wonderful to hear. As far as the pain from work, I’m not able to give you much advice because I’m not familiar with your issues and job. Do ask your midwife or doctor if you have any concerns. I’ve never heard of an SCH reforming, but I honestly don’t know. I’m praying for you and your little one and praising for your SCH being healed. Hang in there, mama! 😀
Hi Larissa,
I’ve found your post on your pregnancy journey with SCHematoma as I’m still grieving over the loss of my third child last December, at 11w4d of gestation.I don’t think I’ll be able to forget every single moment I’ve experienced until I die.And I know this longing feeling will stop when God allows me to meet my angel baby back. I also know, until my last breath, I’ll keep on finding the causes of SCHematoma,why it has to occur, what went wrong, what did i do wrong, all sorts of questions i think you’ve been knew too.
My angel baby was a boy. We named him Sulaiman (Solomon). He was fine and already had heartbeat at 7 weeks. But that was when the doctor discovered there was a blood, but she said it wasn’t a clot,it was in liquid form.probably my menstrual remains and at that time, it was only about 1 cm. At 9w10d I suddenly bled fresh blood,out of nowhere. I was dumbfounded, as my morning sickness is terribly strong. So we immediately went to ER, but my baby was perfectly fine, heartbeat seen, my cervix wasnt dilated. Doctor concluded it was a threatened miscarriage. I was then scheduled for a follow up appt with OnG speacialist a week after, but on that day,transport wasn’t available. So i decided to postpone and went instead to a private clinic to check on my baby’s growth two days after. The day came, and we went to see the sonographer to do 2d scan. his growth was exactly following the day:11w4d. But there was no movement and heartbeat by the time we went to see him.Only God knows at what time he has gone to be with Him, was it in the morning/afternoon/evening/during our way to see the doctor that night? Im still wondering until today. The doctor gave me one week to pray for miracles before seeing her again. A week passed, and so was our baby. It was a missed miscarriage.
God listened to my prayers in despair, to have him at my hands,safe and in his complete form when he decided to come out, He was truly a perfect baby,peacefully ‘sleeping’ on my palms. I will forever remember the dates: 3rd December 2020, the day he went away, and 18th December 2020, the day we buried our angel baby.
My previous two pregnancies was smooth sailing, albeit the sickness. Tbh, with the current Movement Control Order since last year in Malaysia, I wasn’t at all prepared for another pregnancy, I was worried about the things my baby has to endure since he/she is in my womb and after birth, but when i got pregnant, I believed I could pull through.We both could pull through. And we did, only at a short time. It hurts too deeply, but i keep telling myself that this pain will soon over, and that i’ll be completely healed from the heartache and longing when God finally allow us all to meet him again.
Thank you dear Larissa for sharing your journey here, I know i was directed here by the Will of God, to let me know I’m not alone in battling with the pains of losing loved ones. Stay safe and healthy as always.
Oh, Sakinah…my heart is broken for you. Your words ring so true with me and I know your pain. I do know that God has used my trials to help others and help me heal. The pain never goes away, but we can use it to strengthen us. Lifting you up in prayer. Please, feel free to email me at any time: [email protected] Much love to you and your family.
Thank you for writting this text. We learned today that we have subchorionic hematoma at 11 weeks and I just needed someone to tell me it was not always all bad news ❤
I’m so glad you stopped by, Sasha. Yes, almost all end up in positive outcome. Since I wrote this post 8 years ago, so many reach out and I’ve only had one report of a loss early term. Feel free to email me at larissa@prodigalpieces. Lifting you and your little one up in prayer.
Hello, I have been searching the internet non stop since finding out I have a subchorionic hematoma. I am 23 having my first baby and everyday I am so scared to move to sneeze or to even shower. I have bled 3 times now and am still bleeding. I am so sorry for your loss. I just wanted to say thank you for sharing this. I often feel alone and that no ones understands how hard this is. So truly thank you.
Hi Jasmine. I’m so sorry to hear of your troubles, but glad you found me. I did the same thing searching and searching. I have found after posting this that waaaay too many moms are having the same issue. They email me and it’s troubling there is no help. However, I have only had one mother actually have a loss out of dozens. I’m praying over you and your baby. God’s got you! Feel free to email me at [email protected]