Maybe this post should have been titled, “My babies stories” because I have 5 children with me on this earth and 2 in heaven. But, for now I wanted to share with you a part of my life that is heavy on my mind. I’d like to share my baby story.
Our first child arrived in 2002 with some bumps along the road with bedrest, lots of scary post natal events*. He was here nonetheless as a 9 lb. 2 oz. baby boy – we were (are) the proudest parents!
*summary: I endured hyperemesis for 9 weeks (violent vomiting), bedrest in 2nd trimester, unexpected birthing problems, baby in bili-lights from jaundice for 3 days, tongue-tied horrible nursing experience for 9 weeks.
Next, our little girl came in 2004 via home birth at a whopping 10 lbs. 10 oz. For those of you considering home birth, I give it my 100% vote!!!! All was well, and we were so excited to have a boy and a girl!
*summary: contracted pneumonia at 20 weeks which led to a staph blood infection and being life-flighted to emergency prenatal hospital in intensive care for 11 days. I was a breath away from losing my life…they thought I was gone.
Then, our next pregnancy would be interrupted around 11-12 weeks with bleeding. The scary, “am I miscarrying?!!” questions, and the wait-and-see approach. AAAGGGH!!
Nothing was ever found out about why I had bleeding. I just kept praying and hoping for a healthy baby. Even though the episode only lasted a little over a day, and the bleeding and cramping stopped allowing the pregnancy to continue as normal.
By 2006, we had a very sweet 6 lbs. 12 oz. baby girl. Although during this pregnancy I drastically improved my diet, she had severe reactions from the start to a specific food. It took me the better part of 5 months to be on an elimination diet to rule out which food was the offender. When she was only 2 weeks old she would be vomiting after every nursing. At one point she had gotten a clump of mucus lodged in her nasal passage and she was suffocating – turning blue and her arms stretched out straight to the side.
The emergency squad came, but I had been able to dislodge the mass back down her throat to allow her to breath by blowing forcefully in her nose minutes before they arrived. I tell you that children should be born with a detailed list of how to care for them!!
*summary: I am seeing the trend that having babies is not all fun and games. 🙂
The fourth pregnancy had the same problem occur about the same time gestation with bleeding and cramping, leaving me wonder, “what in the world is causing this?” No one had any answers. Nothing would show up because it cleared before anything could be found out. So in the same fashion, by 2008 we had received our little girl weighing 7 lbs. 2 oz. in 2008.
*summary: blessed pregnancy and birth for the most part. I will say my births are full of all sorts of fun that most don’t get the pleasure of living through. God must consider me a rare sort.
Jump ahead two years in my baby story and into the next pregnancy. The same 11-12 week pattern happened, except I noticed that in each successive pregnancy the bleeding was worse. I had learned to hold my breath until after the first trimester, at this point, and just prayed that all would go well. Happily, we ended this pregnancy with a bouncing baby boy in 2010, weighing 9 lbs. 10 oz.
*summary: again, very nice pregnancy and birth.
All my babies, except my firstborn were born at home – what a complete blessing and I cherish the fact that I was able to welcome our little ones in that fashion.
Enter in 2011, early summer. I found that I was expecting again and felt that I would indeed go through the same 11-12 bleeding episode and anxiously awaited that time. I did have the same bleeding, but this time was different. This time the bleeding did not stop. After a week or so of waiting to see, I went for an ultrasound expecting the doctor to tell me that I had lost the baby.
However, there was a very active little one in there, but also something else. He diagnosed me with a subchorionic hematoma – basically a bleeding in between the lining of my uterus and the embryonic sac. He informed me that it could be reabsorbed and go away (which is what I assumed had happened in my other pregnancies), or it could stay there until birth and just bleed out on delivery, or it could cause an early delivery. The hematomas typically occur when baby implants itself to the lining of the uterus. There is always a small amount of bleeding for every new mom, but sometimes that bleeding does not stop causing the pool of blood such as in my case.
I hadn’t realized it much before, but my earlier pregnancies always carried a slight pain in my lower side of my uterus. This time it was true again. Except now I knew that pain was where the bleeding was taking place. I was told bedrest was more for my mental state and really wouldn’t help, but to not lift anything heavier that a gallon of milk. At that point, I put myself on a modified bed rest and began a new life for me and my family.
My children learned even more how to cook. We homeschooled from the couch I lived on, and our life was pretty dreary with the cloud that now hung over us. I began to feel baby kick around 16 weeks, went in for another ultrasound around 19 weeks to find the bleeding was still there. The doctor’s face showed me all I needed to know – it did not look good.
They told me baby would come out and not be able to breathe. Basically, my baby would basically suffocate before my eyes. I wanted to scream for help and beg them to stop the labor, but it was all hopeless. I begged God for mercy, that He would take my baby to be with Him before it came out so I wouldn’t be put through the torture of watching it suffocate.
He answered my prayer. Our little girl, Gabriella Rose, died just before she was born in 2011, perfectly formed. I tell you that it was the most horrible day of my life. No parent should ever have to watch their child die. Only God knows why these things happen, and I trust she is with him now living a life so far greater than the one she would have here on earth.
It is beyond my belief how there are people who can say that a baby at this age is not a baby. I have no words for them, just my story and my soul are wrapped up in that BABY that was my daughter. Very much alive and in full form.
We buried Gabriella with heavy hearts, but know she is taken care of far exceeding anything we could even dream of.
I was perfectly ready to be done having babies because I couldn’t take the heartache. A dozen children would make me happy, but I didn’t want to keep losing my children. I asked God to close my womb if the babies were just going to keep dying. He did.
Up until that point, I had no problem getting pregnant within one menstrual cycle after each of my children weaned. It has been over 3 years since I became pregnant. In that time, I’ve been able to take a break from being pregnant or nursing for over 10 years and sort of find myself again.
My business has been born during that time, which has allowed my family and I some freedom from burdens. We’ve been able to tackle some projects that couldn’t have easily been done while having arms full of babies. Though I’d take them in a heart beat. We’ve went through healing nutritionally by going on the GAPS diet, where my 3rd born has been healed of her severe gluten intolerance she’d had since birth.
Now for the good news and another chapter in my baby story. God did see fit that when my heart was ready to allow me to get pregnant again. We weren’t trying, but I did tell Him I was ready if He saw fit. I share more on this story in this post HERE.
More research needs to be done to find out why this is a growing problem with modern-day pregnancies. I fully believe it is related to the altered food we eat, the hormone, the lacing of pesticides…you name it. Our gut is key to it all – our second brain. I have left out a ton of information I have learned because there is too much to share. However, if you have questions, I’d love to answer them. Or if you want to share your baby story. Just email!
My journey as a mother is not over. I will continue to learn and take life as it comes, relishing the thought of knowing I will get to embrace my lost babies when I enter heaven. God is good.