As a child we have dreams and hopes, but we never imagine ourselves in pain or despair, but it happens. The best part of those difficult times is we have a choice. We can either let them drown us, or use them as stepping stones to rise to a higher place. For me, it’s all about amazing grace. An unearned, unsurpassable blessing that comes from how we choose to live.
No, I haven’t gone off the deep end, but rather wanted to share. Many of you may not know that I am actually a mother to 8 children, 6 of whom are with me on this earth. Five years ago we said hello and goodbye to our baby girl that was perfect in every way. Unfortunately, my body wasn’t able to keep her alive. I’ve already wrote about it in this post, so feel free to catch up and come back.
Each year we go to her graveside, for mostly our kids sake so they have something physical to see and remember. However, I know my baby is not there.
She is in the arms of her loving Savior and in a far better place than I could ever imagine for her. It is so very hard at times, especially when I can imagine a sweet towhead, blue-eyed girl running up to me with a bouquet of weeds.
As a girl, I never dreamed of burying one of my children. I never dreamed of the pain I would endure. Feeling as though my entire body was against me and wanting to scream in anger.
I also never dreamed that I would be fighting for my life in intensive care while pregnant with my second child. Pneumonia and a staph blood infection had taken me to a lifeless state. I remember laying in the bed barely able to breathe after an episode where they thought I was gone. I told God that if one person would be touched by my experience, then let it be.
Now in life, I am happy. I find happiness in just being, and most of all having those I love with all my heart around me. Yes, I have a passion for making things beautiful or giving them new life. Honestly though, the best creation I have ever been a part of is this…
These six pair of dirt covered feet from running bare foot in our yard are priceless. God saw fit to put their lives in my and my husband’s hands. I mean, who could ask for more? Each day they are in my lives is a gift I get to open over and over. Better yet is getting to do it with my best friend.
We did lose another baby after our little girl, and that is when God closed my womb for a time. I had been either nursing or pregnant for 10 years and I found myself kind of lost. It was in that time that I found more amazing grace and began my business adventure.
It started out as a way to earn a much needed income for our growing family. We had bills to pay and I needed a new purpose. You may wonder how a mom of 5 could not have purpose, but I was born to create with the gifts God gave me and this was my time to let them loose.
Did I ever dream of being a blogger? NO WAY. I was one who would be appalled at owning a cell phone, being on social media, and only dreamed of a small homestead to garden and raise a family. Never in my life did I think I would own a business, let alone write for a living.
Something happened a little over 3 years ago that pushed me to jump into blogging blind as a bat. I had no idea what I was doing…not a clue. Hours of study and learning are how I pulled myself up by the bootstraps to get it done. The push to get me started was a lack of appreciation and I was tired of being ignored. My heart knew I had something to offer and I wanted to share it.
Just imagine this homeschooling mama not only taking on a business, but a blog. eep! I did have my hard-earned college education, that again was amazing grace how that came about, but I’ll leave that to another story. If you had the time I could fill your head!
Since the onset of our adventure, we had another light fill our lives and a daughter was born to us. It wasn’t an easy journey, which I talk about here. I am ever thankful and know “things” don’t matter. I have a home, my family, my health. Just know I couldn’t have done any of it without my team; my family and God.
My days are in a constant spin, and I’ll be the first to admit I miss my old self. The one who got to just be a mom and homemaker. I even have come to resent the fact that my home is a warehouse with extra furniture in every corner. But for now, I am counting it a blessing to be able to do what I am doing. Until God leads otherwise, this is my path. My words I keep in mind each day: No regrets. No wishing I took time to do something – savoring each moment.
Something that looms on my mind is that my children will be grown and gone before I can blink. Already I feel like I miss too much because of having to work.
I find peace in knowing that this craziness is for a time and God will see fit to help us meet our needs. He always has and always will. Consider this…where else am I am able to homeschool my children, start a business, and adventure into an online world and profit? Amazing grace.
Because I have taken this leap of faith, I have been able to share my journey that has helped other mother’s worrying over their babies in their womb. I receive emails with prayer requests for those who needed a shoulder. And I get to share my passion with you… THANK YOU.
Thank you to the 99% of you that lift me up even when that 1% claims my brain for a time with negativity. Huge shout-out to my parents, my children, and especially my husband, JC. I am blessed beyond measure.
My hope is that you feel encouraged that no matter what comes your way, you can have that amazing grace. That strength that surpasses all understanding. For I know I would not be where I am today with out it.
“‘If you can?’ said Jesus. ‘Everything is possible for him who believes.'” Mark 9:23