What does that mean… I’m an autism mom?

Before I explain. I invite you to join my world for a smidge of time.

Maybe you’re familiar with autism on a personal level or maybe you have heard the word but have limited understanding of it. Either question gets a yes from me depending on which Larissa you’re talking to.

If you were to have approached me even five years ago, I would have had a vastly different answer from current day.

While you may be tempted to stop reading here, I invite you to STAY.

Stay to join me in awareness, a journey of motherhood, and true love story in all facets.

For a child with any form of disabilities spends hours, if not a lifetime, learning how to interact. Why don’t we teach those without disabilities to also learn how to interact?

MY STORY

As a mother to eight wonderful children with six of them still on this earth, I am here to share from my heart for Life Update #16 (see all Life Updates HERE)

In order to do that, I’m going to share a vlog below as well as write out a different part, so be sure to catch both.

After viewing that, to say my life flipped upside down is a major UNDERSTATEMENT.

I need this in a t-shirt. Just sayin’. heh.

To make heads or tails of what my journey post-divorce, post-no-contact with my family, entails more than I can share in one post and why I share more in life updates.

However, let’s adventure into the wonderful world of ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) because:

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), the prevalence of autism among U.S. children has risen significantly in recent years. While 6.7 in 1,000 children were diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) in 2000, that number had risen to 27.6 in 1,000 children by 2020. This means that currently 1 in 36 children in the U.S. get diagnosed with ASD, up from 1 in 150 children 20 years ago. ¹

Autism has always been with us, even Einstein was considered to be autistic. ² And I’ve mentioned many references in past posts.

Here’s the definition of a high-functioning autistic person (formerly known as Aspergers):

High-functioning autism is sometimes used colloquially to describe autistic people who do not need much support to function in their daily lives. It often means that a person can speak, write, read, manage daily tasks, and live independently. It means that their traits and behaviors do not create too many disruptions in their relationships, occupation, or education. ³

AS AN INSIDER

Being able to say that I’m an autism mom means:

• that I know what it’s like to have kids with different autistic characteristics – not one autistic person is exactly like the other

There are different triggers, preferences, learning styles, etc. It takes loads of effort to navigate a day where all are happy.

• pathological demand avoidance (PDA) ⁴ is a very real issue that causes me to constantly be ahead of the game so as to teach life skills.

I can’t just say, “Please wash the dishes”. They have difficulty completing non-preferred tasks and that means I have to say it like this, “What time would you like to wash the dishes”. This is hard for me because expecting help that is non-combative is truly hit and miss.

• body doubling is an autistic love language. (also similar is parallel play)

Body doubling is a productivity strategy that involves having another person present, either physically or virtually, while completing tasks. This supportive presence significantly boosts one’s ability to focus and complete tasks by fostering accountability, motivation, and reducing distractions. ⁵

• people may think I’m just making it up because they can’t see what I see behind the scenes at home when their “mask” comes off as they navigate executive functioning issues. ⁶

That can mean meltdowns and shutdowns. They may not have great personal hygiene in their younger years if I am not watching closely, for instance. It makes the fact that I am trained to be hypervigilant as an ACoN (Adult Child of a Narcissist) hard for me to relax as I might miss something. Teaching self-regulation is key. ⁷ Even self-care for ME.

• I watch my kids struggle with social relationships.

Saying this part is hard. My kids are beyond wonderful people just trying to fit in. Aren’t we all? We can do better.

WHAT NOT TO SAY, EH?

I’m an autism mom and that means that I’ve heard some things that I’d rather not hear. That includes insensitive things like, “Well, at least you still have five children.” That said after I just buried my daughter.

Yes, I understand folks mean well, but I thought I’d share a few “maybe don’t say” things to another autism mom or dad. ⁸

1. He doesn’t look like there’s anything wrong with him.
2. Autism is just an excuse for bad parenting.
3. I know everything about autism. I Googled it.
4. Can’t you just make him eat?
5. Don’t worry, boys always peak later than girls.
6. What that child needs is better discipline.
7. They didn’t have autism in my day.
8. Everyone’s a little bit autistic.
9. Asperger’s is just a mild form of autism.
10. My friend’s son was autistic, and he grew out of it.

Notice that many of these are geared at sons. However, girls on the spectrum hide the traits even better and are harder to diagnose and hide it well, though oftentimes unintentionally. ⁹

WHAT IS NEUROTYPICAL ANYWAY?

Since we’re discussing all things ASD, did you ever wonder what is a neurotypical?

There’s no such thing as “normal” when it comes to the human brain. That’s because brains are infinitely complex, and no two brains can ever develop and work exactly the same. Instead, experts looked for patterns in how brains work. Being neurotypical means your brain developed and works like the brains of most people. ¹⁰

So, that leads me to ask… is anyone neurotypical?

Because of my self-diagnosis of C-PTSD from abusive relationships, I suffer from very mild misophonia (certain sounds cause me anxiety – but not all the time).

Misophonia is considered neurodivergent.

INTERESTING.

Considering the fact that trauma happens to children that can affect their brain wiring and development, how does one know if they’re neurodivergent or neurotypical?

I say, when extreme cases are considered, we need to make changes to accommodate. In the meantime, maybe all brain types need to do some study.

NeuroD can study up on why a NeuroT does what they do and vice versa.

May we never stop learning ’til we hit the grave.

REALITIES OF AUTISM AS A MOM

If you watch my video, you hear me say, “I wish each child came out with instructions.”

While that would have been AMAZING, ahem, they did not.

However, I’m not a quitter. Neither are my kids.

When I presented to them that autism is a part of our world, generally, they accepted it. They could see it.

And they are learning along with me.

What a blessing that is right there. HUGE.

They could have revolted, denied and insist on carrying on as usual.

Additionally, I need to be aware of ALL my children’s needs. What if you have autistic and non-autistic children? Making sure the other children are feeling validated is a sticky situation. I’ve heard of neurotypical kids being “Aspergated”.

I’m not sure I like that term. It speaks about how non-autistic kids can learn traits of their autistic siblings and parents. Hard to know which is which at times, if even possible.

All of my kids are debt free and have savings of their own enough to buy a home, they have their own businesses as well, and some are attending college courses for free of their own merit. I’m an autism mom with pride and love beyond measure.

LET’S DO BETTER

Let’s embrace diversity in neurological sense and welcome difference. It would sure be a boring world if we were all the same, wouldn’t it? I invite your conversations below and also invite you to pin and share to spread awareness of how vast this ASD rainbow spectrum is.

Before you go, be sure to sign up for my FREE newsletter. Until next time!

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RESOURCES

• A document I created of all the resources I’ve found helpful for various ASD topics – CLICK/HEAD HERE
• ADHD Love – they offer insight to life as a neurodivergent. Their book Dirty Laundry is available and even offer a body doubling app!
• Temple Grandin – a phenomenal advocate for ASD and animal husbandry. She has many wonderful resources, including a great family film documenting her life called the same. A great recent read is Autism and Adolescence.
• Asperger / Autism Network (AANE) – Whether you are an Autistic adult or teen, a parent or family member, or a professional who works with the autism community, AANE has services, programs, and training to support
• Autism Speaks – find your community, we have assembled a list of mostly national and mostly online autism-friendly community groups and services.
• Asperger Experts – world’s largest organization by and for autistic families
• Jodi Carlton – Her own neurodiverse family and relationships have been my personal training ground for understanding neurodiversity and offers courses, podcasts, and more.
• Neurodiverse Christian Marriages Network – Dr. Stephanie Holmes and her husband, Dan, are a neurodiverse couple that offer ministry.

FOOTNOTES

1. 1. The Rising Prevalence of Autism
   2. Uncovering the Truth about Albert Einsteins Autism
   3. What is High-Functioning Autism?
   4. Pathological Demand Avoidance in Autism and Beyond
   5. 7 Steps to Start Body Doubling for Neurodivergent Productivity
   6. 7 Executive Functioning Challenges for People With Autism
   7. What is Self-Regulation?
   8. 10 Things Not to Say to Parents of Autistic Children
   9. Why Are We Still Underdiagnosing Autism in Girls?
   10. What is Neurotypical?

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