Life is never boring, that is a fact. However, sometimes boring would be nice, don’t you agree? What I mean is that I feel like boring sounds lovely – like no fuss, no muss, just live my day. Yes, I have no doubt I would eventually get bored, but I miss that. haha. Today, I’m sharing my life update #4 along with a sneak-peek at my bedroom before.

For those of you just joining me, I have SO much happening currently and in recent years and invite/suggest some reading of past blog posts to catch you up to speed:

see all LIFE UPDATES HERE. Okay, so now that you know what’s going on (dissolution/divorce, no-contact with narc parent and others, adult children moving out, vertigo, etc.) let’s get on to today’s focus.

GOTTA LOVE PETS

First, take a minute to watch my vlog to understand how a life in the day of… well… me… looks like.

I’m so thankful for answer to prayer and that my wonderful God is with me (and you) always. And, if you listened to the video, I’m trying to learn how to be healthy “me”. (even though I had three hours of sleep… maybe, in my video) Not only am I learning about ways to recover from emotional abuse, financial abuse, but also narcissistic abuse while running my business and homeschooling. Not to mention taking care of everything in between. If that’s not a load, I don’t know what is. And I’m positive there are many of you in a similar situation.

However, today, I’m eager to make changes in all areas of my life including in this bedroom before. If you’d like, you can see how this room is initially remodeled HERE. It went from gross to soothing and was even featured by This Old House. Fun, right?

NEXT PHASE

Well, now it’s time to make it mine, again. I am currently still sleeping in the closet as I have been for the last 2.5 years. Again, as I mention in the video, the bedroom before was a place for my son, my daughter when sick, and my other daughter when sick this last week as well. In the meantime, I’ve been designing and imagining and planning.

I’ve purchased some new curtain rods and curtains and will be putting those up as soon as I re-paint the walls after caulking and repair. Additionally, I mention what else I’ll be tackling as weather permits to get the space ready for me to move in.

A new light fixture is coming because a year or so ago I sold my pair of antique brass chandeliers. I show them in my video and also in their gorgeous new home. How bittersweet, that is.

For the time being, I’m keeping my antique cupboard though it’s often I’m asked if I would sell it. More to know if I sell or not later.

Likewise, I only have a twin mattress I sleep on, so I need a bed. But not much else other than that as I want the room to be really empty and just LESS. Who knows, I might even bring in one of my desks or a long table so I can create.

My clothes have been in my mudroom closet but just moved those in. However, most of the rest of my stuff is still in plastic bins waiting to move in. Those curtains on the closet either need to go, or I fold them over and clip. How tiring to have incessant dust and dirt sticking to them.

That’s it for my bedroom before completely updating it.

THANKFUL

For now, I’m ever so thankful my kids and I are healthy and healing, my animals are here and healthy, and I have a home.

Also, I want to make a quick note to Janette, a reader. In learning about myself and trauma, I had an epiphany this week. Back in my life update #2 she left this comment:

“You know what, you’re amazing, stop worrying so much. Everything will come your way because you don’t sit around crying you get up and get cracking. That’s the secret. Show the world women can and do cope well with all that is thrown our way. Be happy, just keep doing what you do and it will all fall into place Be happy. Xxx“

Now, that, to most, would come across generally as a positive comment. But that’s not what happened to me. You see, in my blogging years, I learned that if I read something upsetting to me in the initial read, I need to come back to it. I never understand why sometimes I am instantly triggered and sometimes find myself re-reading only to find there is nothing offensive.

UNDERSTANDING AND GRACE

I’d like to break down what happened to me. When I first read, “You know what, you’re amazing, stop worrying so much” and ending with “Be happy” that set my hot trigger off. My head went spinning, hear rate rocketed and I mis-read the rest of the comment thinking she accused me of sitting around crying. While I normally don’t reply instantly if I’m upset, I did this time and tell Janette that I can’t believe she wrote that. While I was upset at the moment, hopefully, Janette, you are not upset with me. I did go back and revise my comment in an hour or so after I read her comment again.

However, I still didn’t understand. Why on earth did my brain do that? Why did I instantly go next level in my anxiety? It wasn’t until this week that I saw this video by Patrick Teahan on CPTSD (which I suffer from because of my narc parent). Full video HERE.

BINGO. It all makes sense now. At least, over the years, I’ve learned to not “shoot from the hip” and to pause and reflect in most instances. Though I do know that I was already in heightened state after writing my blog post that made me more trigger happy this time around.

Y’all… this is a road I will be on for the rest of my life. While I’m ever thankful that I am making enormous changes in my life, I know I cannot undo what was done to me from birth on.

You have my compassion if you are living this way. It’s honestly hell on earth. And yet I carry on.

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With that, I wrap up this bedroom before feature and sharing my life update #4. I invite you to join in a conversation below in comments as well as pin and share.

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While you’re at it, check out these other remodels like this bedroom before: